HEdda Lettuce’s memorial day toast

May 24, 2013
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Hello gentle Americans. On this fine Memorial Day weekend, I raise my glass and toast our soldiers who have so valiantly fought for us. Have a safe and happy Memorial Day weekend! Stay fresh, x Hedda Lettuce

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THE MARK OF SATAN ON A WHOLE FOODS RECEIPT

May 22, 2013
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Hello gentle Americans. My morning routine is usually the same. Upon awakening I have a large glass of water, a parliament light (I don’t light it, I just let it rest in my mouth for a moment), use the little girls room, take my vitamins with a glass of champagne, pop a Tic Tac in [Read more]

Hedda’s Stand-up routine on street hookers

May 21, 2013
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Need a laugh? Here is my latest stand-up vid about street hookers After watching, you just might put on a pair of heels and hit the corner. Stay fresh, Hedda Lettuce

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5 tips on how to cheat on your spouse

May 20, 2013
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Hello gentle Americans. Studies say that %90 of the population are cheating on their spouses. Or, is it that %90 of the population can’t digest corn? If you are caught cheating, there is no need to end the affair. Here are five sure fire tips to keep your secret lover in your life.   1) [Read more]

kim is dead

A GORGEOUS CORPSE

May 17, 2013
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Hello gentle Americans. Do you sleep well? I do not.  My nights are spent tossing and turning, when they should be spent rocking and rolling with a gentleman caller.  They do say that sex can help you sleep better, so I believe I would have to be gang banged in order to get a full [Read more]

bea arthur

THE AMAZING HEALTH BENEFITS FROM SEX!

May 15, 2013
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Hello gentle Americans. After all these years being sexually active I never thought that there were health benefits from sex, except for a wad of $20 bills left on my dresser. Money reduces stress my little darlings. Thank god for those scientists studying sex, because they have uncovered a hope chest full of health benefits [Read more]

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A PENIS TREE GROWS IN BROOKLYN

May 13, 2013
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Hello gentle Americans. In my many travels, I have come across some strange things. When I was in the deep recesses of the Amazon Forest, in search of a plant that promised to wipe away every wrinkle on Donatella Versace’s face, I encountered a tree that had a penis. A very large penis. A very [Read more]

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WHY DID THE FREE RANGE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

May 8, 2013
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Hello gentle Americans. Here is a stand-up bit from a recent show at the Metropolitan Room. Why did the free range chicken cross the road? Watch and find out.     Stay fresh, x Hedda Lettuce

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THE END OF CIVILIZATiON

May 6, 2013
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Hell gentle Americans. Here is clip of my latest stand-up video, on the end of civilization. Enjoy! Stay fresh, x Hedda Lettuce

I am grateful for this piece of cake

it costs a lot of money to look this cheap

May 3, 2013
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Hello gentle Americans. The pursuit of happiness has caused great unhappiness. What do most Americans equate happiness with-money. Like the great Dolly Parton said, “It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.” Expanding on that, then I must look very cheap. By purchasing endless amounts of things, from new gadgets to a new [Read more]

Intilight
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