Hello gentle Americans. I am sure you are wondering what Hedda thinks of the recent Oscar nominees?  Of course you do!  I had a dear friend send me some questions, which I answered, with as much candor and wit as a bearded-lady can.

Biggest Fashion Mistake
Hedda: Sandrah Bullock in Blind Side-her hot mom outfits and right-wing blond coif is enough to make a girl hurl.  It is an improvement over her last bomb-All About Steve-where she sports a modified blond mullet. Lesbians might be creaming over that look but it just leaves me bone dry.

Best Drag Cameo Appearance
Hedda: Mariah Carey in Precious.  She is working butch dyke drag: Moustache and brown hair.  She goes from diva to dud in seconds.  Perhaps that’s what she really looks like without her make-up?  Scary huh?

Best Awkward Moment
Hedda: The entire cast from NINE.  The movie was one long awkward moment; Daniel Day-Lewis sounded like Count Chocula, Nicole Kidman vapid and on the cusp of spoiling and the lovely Sophia Lauren beautifully digitally re-mastered.  Sounds like a flop to me!

Best Sexual Moment
Hedda: Maggie Gyllenhaal and Jeff Bridges in Crazy Heart.  Drunken, sloppy with the faint hint of vomit and Whisky in the air makes this scene hot, hot, hot.  We’ve all be there, right?

Hottest Male Actor
Hedda: Morgan freeman in Invictus.  Everyone loves a seasoned black man in the sack.  They know how to fuck a girl and are not queasy about having back door sex.  They will also eat your ass until your eyes roll behind your head; not to mention they are usually hung like horses; Or at least a donkey.

Hottest Female Actor
Hedda: Gabourey Sidibe.  A fat black women who totally envelopes her body is  a refreshing thing to see compared to the blond stick figures with eating disorders that dominate the movie industry.  Though I do love me a stick figure in a hot gown from time to time.  Kate Bosworth where are you?

Best Mole on the Face Award:
Hedda: Does Penelope Cruz have a mole on her face?  I am sure she does, though I can’t get past her cheap accent and that mane of black hair flowing in her face.  Yes, I think she has a mole.

Best “Up and Comer” Award:
Hedda: Gabourey Sidibe hands down.  Let’s give around of applause to all those full figured black women out there and give them a box of donuts, cream filled, as their award.

Best Community Award Giving back to the LGBT community through film:
Hedda: I guess a Single Man.  Though after I watched that movie I felt fat, old and my apartment did not have enough smooth surfaces.  Leaving the theater I desperately needed a cigarette and a cocktail.  Instead I got some Ben & Jerry’s and a spoon and went home a dusted.

Stay fresh,

x

Hello gentle Americans.  What ever happened to polite conversation? As technology tramples forward it seems be stifling the very thing we need to feed our soul-human interaction.

Example: Electronic books in the past year have tried to take over the market; from the kindle to the e-reader we now have the ability to buy a book on line and sent to this device that simulates reading.  You can download thousands of books and carry this lightweight gadget with you anywhere, eliminating the nasty bulk of carrying a real book.  Sounds amazing huh?  Not so.  I live in a NYC, there were many times I was riding the subway, sat next to a person who was reading a book I had just finished and I turned to them and started up a little chat.  With an electronic book you can’t tell what the hell the person next to you is reading; for all you know they could be reading-How To Make A Bomb In Your Bathtub In Less Than 10 Minutes.  And to think if they had the actually book in hand you could have turned to them and said, “You know I read that book and it actually took me 30 minutes to make a bomb.  What gives?”  Laughter would ring in the air as he/she shared their experience on the same topic.

Something else I have noticed on the Subway, the newer trains have installed digital information that flashes on this screen to tell you of the upcoming stop and the time.  Now back in the days, before we had clocks on the train, if you forgot your watch you would turn to the person sitting next to you and ask them the time.  It would usually end there, but sometimes you would strike up a conversation and if they were exceptionally attractive go home with them and fuck to the wee hours of the morning.  Cell phones have also eliminated this possibility, everyone has a phone which tells the time and numerous other things which seem more interesting than engaging another human being; everyone has their face buried into their phone, avoiding all outside contact.  So the days of seeing a cute boy or girl and innocently asking them the time to break the ice are long since gone.

But maybe people were not meant to be in so much contact with each other and these technological advances are just another step forward in evolution? I personally think it is de-evolution, but who ever listened to my opinion on matter anyway. Though I could be missing the boat completely and maybe all these little gadgets are conversation starters? I am just not accustomed to saying to someone-Hey, nice e-reader you have there.  Want to go back to my place?”  I am going to get dressed now and jump on a subway and pratice.

Stay fresh,

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