Hello gentle Americans. My morning routine is usually the same. Upon awakening I have a large glass of water, a parliament light (I don’t light it, I just let it rest in my mouth for a moment), use the little girls room, take my vitamins with a glass of champagne, pop a Tic Tac in [Read more]

Hello gentle Americans. Studies say that %90 of the population are cheating on their spouses. Or, is it that %90 of the population can’t digest corn? If you are caught cheating, there is no need to end the affair. Here are five sure fire tips to keep your secret lover in your life.   1) [Read more]

Hello gentle Americans. Do you sleep well? I do not.  My nights are spent tossing and turning, when they should be spent rocking and rolling with a gentleman caller.  They do say that sex can help you sleep better, so I believe I would have to be gang banged in order to get a full [Read more]

Hello gentle Americans. After all these years being sexually active I never thought that there were health benefits from sex, except for a wad of $20 bills left on my dresser. Money reduces stress my little darlings. Thank god for those scientists studying sex, because they have uncovered a hope chest full of health benefits [Read more]

Hello gentle Americans. In my many travels, I have come across some strange things. When I was in the deep recesses of the Amazon Forest, in search of a plant that promised to wipe away every wrinkle on Donatella Versace’s face, I encountered a tree that had a penis. A very large penis. A very [Read more]

Hello gentle Americans. Here is a stand-up bit from a recent show at the Metropolitan Room. Why did the free range chicken cross the road? Watch and find out.     Stay fresh, x Hedda Lettuce

Hell gentle Americans. Here is clip of my latest stand-up video, on the end of civilization. Enjoy! Stay fresh, x Hedda Lettuce

Hello gentle Americans. The pursuit of happiness has caused great unhappiness. What do most Americans equate happiness with-money. Like the great Dolly Parton said, “It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.” Expanding on that, then I must look very cheap. By purchasing endless amounts of things, from new gadgets to a new [Read more]