Hello gentle Americans.  I am completely numb today.

After coming home last night I was hit with a barrage of feelings.  God I hate feelings, especially when they come at you from all sides.  They seem dirty and cloud up any rational thought and if there was a way to go to a doctor and have my feelings removed I would sign up today.  Oh wait, there is, it is called Prozac.  But alas, Pills and me we don’t agree, if they did I would be taking them in mass quantities.  Well that is not true, pills and I did agree with each other for a long time and than one day-POOF-we got into an argument and they caused me more problems than good. I would much prefer being a Vulcan-analytical, stoic and able to knock people unconscious with just a pinch to the neck.  I have tried that technique on an assailant, hoping that it would work, and all they did was thank me for rubbing the tension out of their shoulder, then they proceeded to steal my purse.  In order to remove these unexpected feelings, I decided to go to the deli, and buy a box of Cheerios and proceeded to sit in front of my TV and down 4 bowls full while watching the Golden Girls.  Make that 5 bowls full.  I am so gay, not wanting to wake up filled with regrets, instead of acting out on something really delish and filled with fat and sugar, I decide to make a healthier choice and binge on something that is low in sugar and frankly taste free.  I was completely bloated by the 5th bowl and dropping the spoon into the bowl I rolled on to my back and cuddled with the cat until I fell asleep.

I have to tell you that when I awoke this morning it did exactly what I had hoped for-completely numbed me.  And with the added benefit of lowering my cholesterol I could not be a happier consumer.  I feel like a Fem-Bot or perhaps Ann Coulter, just unbothered by everything and taking the day in stride.  Though I did crap out what looked like a large cream-colored life preserver and my mouth tastes like a hamster cage. Frankly, mild side effects for something so effective.

Stay fresh,

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