Hello gentle Americans. I really wanted a photo of Tyra but that was not in the cards. Upon entering the studio, the large security guard at the door, frisks you and confiscates your phone and camera. “I just want a photo of Tyra and I.” I pleaded as he took my camera and put it in a zip lock bag. “No photographs.” He grunted as he placed the zip lock behind his desk. I really wanted to say I am a diabetic and need my camera for it also acts as my insulin checker, but I am not a diabetic and as dumb as I would like to think he looked he probably would have not fallen for that. Though I did make a mental note that next time (if there is a next time) I am on Tyra I will lube up my camera and stick it up my ass.

CLOCK THE LACE FRONT

The rest of the day was very efficient and moved quickly. We never met Tyra before the show, which I thought was odd. I have been on many talk shows and the host usually comes up to the guests before hand and says hi; lets you fawn over them a bit, giving you that added energy boost you will need for the shoot. But not Tyra, she was nowhere to be found, kept hidden from view in a separate wing of the building. But her photograph was everywhere. Pictures of her with other famous African American celebrities adorned every inch of wall space, her eyes smiling for the camera. I got this eerie feeling that though she was not there in person that Big Tyra was watching, which kept me from slouching; one never slouches in front of a former super model.

I won’t tell you what the episode is about because I do not want to spoil it for you, but I will tell you this I am featured very heavily. The show is slated to air during sweeps week, which is the end of February beginning of March.

I finally met Tyra when we were on stage together, and she is a very methodical host. She stands, she talks, and she moves her head slightly in a sexy robotic manner. She is not overly friendly but she is not mean, she is likable and very attractive. She gets the job done and does it looking fabulously! At the end of the show she hugs her guests, the kind of hug that won’t wrinkle her clothing, but she uses both arms and looks you in the eye. I like someone that looks you directly in the eye. And during that hug I thanked her for the opportunity because it is a great opportunity and I had to acknowledge that. Tyra is amazingly successful woman, enviable in fact-attractive, rich, powerful, has the most beautiful lace front wig in the history of lace fronts, and she can walk with grace in 5 inch heels. Something Oprah cannot do.

Later that day a friend of mine was dining at Cafeteria, this trendy restaurant on 16th and 7th Avenue, when to his surprise Tyra walks in. The moment she sat down, with two bodyguards in tow, the food was placed on the table, as if they knew she was coming (which they probably did). She had Chicken Piard with extra onions and large glass of water. She was polite, but not overly, spoke very little, was gracious when fans came to speak to her, but not overly so, and left quickly. I assume to head back to the studio and finish her day’s work or to step on to the set of some fabulous photo shoot. Or perhaps to head home, pull off the lace front, take off the lashes, take a dump and relax with a hot cup of jo, without the prying eyes of the media around her.

Stay fresh,

X
Hedda Lettuce

Hello gentle Americans. I just stepped out of the shower, freshly shaven, slathering Kiels “Coriander” body lotion all over my soft skin.

Sipping on a cup of coffee (which I made myself) I reflect on the news that Starbucks is closing 300 of its stores and laying off 6,000 employees. “Greed and overexpansion did them in. Perhaps now we will have a Starbucks on every other block now instead of every block.” I mumble to myself as I flip through Life And Style Magazine and catch a glimpse of Britney Spears new 9 million dollar home. What a life story-she went from pop tart to loony bird to the come back queen all under the age of 30. To many lives for one little girl, but her pimps (her parents) sure now how to get the most bang from their buck.

In a moment I will sit in front of my make-up mirror and prepare my face for the days events. It is the second day of shooting for the Tyra Banks Show; today I will be in the studio, on West 26th St, and on stage with Tyra herself. I am a bit nervous to meet her, I wonder if she is crazy? She was a model for many years and now she is a talk show queen and sometimes that combination can be toxic. But I am sure I will be happily surprised and she will be as down to earth as someone of her stature and wealth can be.

I promise to give you a full report tomorrow, so in the meantime, get your day started and do something nice for someone today. It will keep you grateful and set the tone for your day.

Stay fresh,
X
Hedda Lettuce